He will always be feral. You’ll probably never see him again after today! Well, that’s what they said about one particular tomcat we took in to get neutered. She was wrong. Turns out nearly the whole feral colony living in the woods behind our home is now “formerly” feral and … ours! The mama of the brood, Sandi, birthed approximately six litters before we came into her life a year ago and had her and the rest of them fixed. She’s really “done” with being a mom. She’s extremely friendly to humans, but can be quite testy with all of her grown kittens. We can learn from role models and reverse role models. Today the cats have reminded me about acceptance, most importantly selfacceptance, by reminding me of my own unhealthy patterns. All the cats who call her mama still go up to her to test the water and see if she’s feeling loving by some miracle that day, or that moment. Usually she isn’t but every now and then she will graciously give a sniff. If it’s a really lucky day, they might get a lick or two. On a not so good day, she will hiss and growl and charge her “babies” who love her so much. Glen’s New Mom I witnessed this again today with Glen, the tomcat referenced above who does it the most. He’s easily twice his mother’s size so Glen could certainly stop and let her know who’s bigger but he doesn’t. Glen just wants his mom’s love so bad. But he turns to me when Sandi rejects him. Glen has a new mama ready to embrace him and tell him how special he is as often as he will let me. There are people in my life where I have done the same thing. Their love, their approval, their ability to esteem me and confirm that I’m enough aren’t at the level I would like to experience. Rather than continuing my advances, hoping maybe this time will be different, I’m better served to surround myself with people who can genuinely support me and offer love and encouragement. Continuing to Seek Bread from the Hardware Store In Finding the Gift, I remind all of us that if we need bread, we need to go to the bakery not the hardware store which is full of nuts and bolts! Observing Glen today, my own continual approach for acceptance from the unaccepting came to mind. I was in the throes of having imaginary conversations with someone who has a knack for stirring up my own feelings of inadequacy. Notice how I worded that. I wanted to say, “She makes me feel inadequate.” But if there wasn’t an original wound, then this person couldn’t trigger me. So she is just a resource, a gift to remind me of the wound and the need to practice healing that part of me—a reminder to give myself the validation that I need while also surrounding myself with other people who do nurture my soul. Like Glen, there is part of me that insists on going back again and again to these types of people to receive their blessings, their encouragement. Rejection plays a funny role in relationships. Maybe not with “normal” people if there are any?!, but for those of us who grew up without all of our basic emotional needs being met, rejection challenges us to try harder to win the approval of the very ones who are most resistant to offering it. Who Decides My Worth? I want to ask this person for a favor of sorts, but I’m already having imaginary conversations combating the anticipated rejection, based on her historical responses to me. And worse, I’m ready to allow her answer to define my worthiness. If she says yes, I’m good. If she says no, I’m worthless. Putting my worth in someone else’s hands is a persistently insecure way to go through life. And mental arguments about projected conflict are a sure way to stay out of the present and miss the joy in the moment. Choosing a Better Way Dwelling on the past or jumping into the future is not where I want to be today. This moment that I’m in is far better than all of the anticipated conflict inside my head. I’m writing this early morning as the world is waking up, all the inside and outside cats are stirring. and a calmness fills the air when I exit the “argument” and return to what’s true right now. I feel so much better coming back to the present to receive the gifts waiting for me to notice. For today, I forgive the people who originally created the wound. I forgive myself for seeking out people to reopen the wound. And I commit to being my own best advocate. To turn to God with my hurt and to remind myself frequently of my inherent goodness, my “good enoughness.” I hope you will also. What presents surround you right now? To your gifts, Angela
Read More »
How many of you said YES last week to something you might have normally said “No” to? The above photo is what YES looked like for me last week, as I embarked on a spontaneous, 36hour advance notice backpack adventure to Norway with my son. Did you miss last week’s email about Saying YES? If so, click here. Throughout our seven day/six night trip that was planned by my son in one day, literally the day before we left, I stayed amazed that it was really happening. I couldn’t believe I left everything behind, except what was on my back, and that my body could keep up. Being absent of baggage was lifechanging in many ways. Oh there’s so much still to unpack about this experience! One lesson that became evident during a hike in Finse, Norway heaven on earth is the importance of blazing our own trails, going off the beaten path when necessary. That’s exactly what my son and I had to do when we came to a place where the trail unexpectedly ended. This photo was taken after we decided to keep going and were rewarded in a big way for being bold and brave.
Read More »
I’ve been blessed with several commissions recently and I am so excited to tell you this story. Midsummer, I worked with gallery clients who wanted to purchase Coffee Date36×36, but it was too tall for over their fireplace. They loved the colors and boldness of this piece, and needed something equally exciting, but in a shorter height. We embarked on the commission process and pure magic happened! Introducing… Concierto No. 1 24×36
Read More »
Professional Identity: Angela Howell is a transformation coach, keynote speaker, bestselling author, and abstract artist who bridges the gap between creativity, mindfulness, and healing. The Struggle and the Shift: Angela spent years in a highpressure corporate sales career, where she initially used workaholism to cope with underlying trauma. Her body eventually “broke down” under the stress, leading to a debilitating physical injury that forced her to leave the corporate world. Overcoming Trauma: Her journey is marked by overcoming significant challenges, including childhood trauma, “church hurt” religious abuse, and eating disorders that led to multiple hospitalizations. She describes these experiences as some of her “greatest teachers”. Finding the Gift: Her core philosophy, as detailed in her book Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness, is that hardships often contain hidden insights. She uses the metaphor of a plain brown paper package that, when unwrapped, reveals “life abundant”. The “Bridge” to Healing: Angela advocates for 12step programs and mindfulness as tools to reconnect with a higher power. Through her 12week coaching program, “A Life Worth Having,” she helps others root out “the junk the world gave us” and find the beauty that was always there. Key Message for Readers: No matter how difficult life looks, stay the course. Angela believes everyone has a “seed” of potential that can thrive given the right environment and support. Finding the Gift
Read More »
Happy New Year! I hope your first few days of 2017 have been blessed and contemplative. What went well? What would you do differently? What did you learn? What do you want to be true one year from now? Three years? What do we feel good about and where do we need to shift perspective? If we don’t learn and grow from what happened in 2016 and tweak our course appropriately, history tends to repeat itself and generously gives us similar lessons over and over until we find the gift it was offering. Earlier today, someone told me they can’t wait to say goodbye to 2016 and pretend it never happened. I had to think for a moment because the last five months have also been incredibly tough for me personally, including the suicide of my sweet baby brother. I miss him every day but if I discard the whole year, I would have to return all the lessons and gifts it brought me as well. Pain enlightens us and propels us forward in a way unlike anything else. Since I can’t change what happened in 2016, I’ll take it all to heart and trust the gifts will continue to unfold. I hope you will too. Not Everything Feels Like a Gift Last night I tripped over a post on social media that made me sit down on my garage steps and read it on the spot. It was a beautiful and courageous story about a young girl named Sara and her lifethreatening battle with cancer at age ten. I was struck by her insight and skill at findingthegift, something we all can benefit from, especially in less than ideal situations. The gift doesn’t always appear right away, but what matters is training our minds to trust the gift is there, unfolding in the midst of the chaos. And even if a gift never appears, it’s about believing there was one. How much better do trust and hope feel than chalking bad things up to fruitless bad luck? Too many times in my life, the “bad” things have actually brought the best things. I actually know Sara’s family and used to live across the street from her grandmother, Doris. Everyone was devastated and in shock when Doris’ 10year old granddaughter was diagnosed with neuroblastoma in August, 2009. The struggle was fierce and very bleak at times. Seven years have passed and Sara has decided to reveal what her journey was like and share her gratitude … and her secret shame. I hope you are as touched as I was and encouraged by her ability to share the gifts of battling cancer at ten years old. In her own words, here is Sara’s story. Sara’s Diagnosis
From December 8 in “Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness.” Have you ever asked yourself, What do I need to get done today? In other words, what do I need to have finished today? Past tense. Fast tense. I do, and often. I just realized that reflects how I feel a lot of the time. What do I have to do and how fast can I get it over with? For what? To get to the next list of have to’s, ought to’s and should’s? Too often I am racing to some mysterious finish line. If I’m not careful, I can get in a rut and view everyday life as one big chore I must check off my list so I can get to the good stuff. How crazy is that? Everyday life is the good stuff! A life is the sum total of many single days. What do I WANT to do today? It occurred to me to ask a different question today: What do I WANT to do today? This reflects me running my life, not letting my life run me. This question nurtures empowerment, rather than fostering a victim or martyr outlook. I do have a few appointments and other obligations today, but I created those. I’m the one who made a choice to say “Yes” to those. We each design our lives, voluntarily or involuntarily. Life feels a lot better when we take ownership for ourselves and our circumstances. We may not get to choose every circumstance we will ever encounter, but one hundred percent of the time we do get to choose how we feel about it. How we talk to ourselves and others about it. How we think about it. And what we’re going to do about it. What actions will we take? Today, I’m going to own my day. It’s all mine. I get twentyfour hours. If I’ve created obligations and commitments I don’t like, it’s my choice to honor them or not, and to agree to them again, or not. If I have agreed and given an employer a portion of my day, it’s my choice. Regardless of how I earn income, I can go to work and earn money, or I can stay home and embrace the consequences of that decision. We are only “stuck” if we decide it’s easier to be a victim than to take responsibility for ourselves and live our lives on purpose. I am in charge of me and help is available as often as I seek it. As the Serenity Prayer suggests: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Amen and amen. Enjoy your day. Enjoy your life. Can you relate? I would love to hear from you! Please leave a comment and start the discussion! Be sure to grab my free eBook while you’re here, if you don’t already have it, and you will be notified of upcoming events and new blogs. Have a wonderful time owning your day today!
Hello friends, I hope you are Finding the Gift today! I haven’t blogged in a long time. Some of you know I lost my baby brother, Jubal, to suicide on August 7, a terrible blow to my family and his huge circle of friends and music fans. I have felt incredible pressure to write the “perfect” blog post in response to this devastating loss. Selfimposed pressure plus a lot of grief has kept me from sharing anything at all. While I’m not ready to blog about this crushing event and how it has impacted my family and life, I have written some thoughts about perfectionism which I would love to share. This foe has plagued me all my life and on this particular day, I won the battle! If you struggle with trying to be perfect or you respond by not doing anything at all, this blog is for you. Never Good Enough Perfectionism is the devil of the worst kind. It kills my joy. It steals my peace. It destroys my ability to enjoy all the good things that are happening in my life. Too often, I focus all day long on a feeling of not being enough, not doing enough. Consciously and subconsciously, I pummel myself with this message day in and day out. But I’m a transformation coachand I know better than this! I can tell other people all day long how detrimental this practice is and how they must turn their minds and thoughts to more kind and loving selftalk. It’s easy to dole out this kind of medicine, but it’s much harder to take it myself. On my walk today, I had this epiphany once again: I must be my own best friend! And talk to myself as I would speak to any other close friend in need of support, acceptance and encouragement. This concept is a critical point in my free eBook, Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift. If you haven’t downloaded that yet, please look for the box to sign up for my updates and I’ll send it to you immediately. Recently, to help contend with the immense grief and depression I’ve been feeling, I committed to send my own coach a daily gratitude list naming at least three things I was grateful for. My list tended to consist of gestures or events that happened to me or for me, but not by me. I find it easy to praise others but I usually don’t think about the need to build myself up. Today, I’ve decided to amend my assignment. I will focus on what went right and also specifically, on anything I did or didn’t do that deserves a pat on the back. What Went Well For instance, yesterday I managed to put a flea collar on a skittish, community cat. I got dressed—yes, some days that’s reason to celebrate in this season of grief. I went to the store and returned two items to finally get them out of my car. I made it to the post office to mail four different packages so those todo’s aren’t weighing me down anymore. However, I ended the day with the familiar focus on all that I did not accomplish, with another dose of “I should be able to get back to life as usual by now.” In hindsight, especially compared to many other recent days where cement shoes kept me from moving at all, yesterday sounds like a pretty victorious day! Nothing has changed, except I put on a new pair of glasses. Looking at what went well feels a lot better than dwelling on the alternative. Taking Action, Resting and Receiving Unexpected Gifts Going forward, I will focus on the grace, inspiration and strength I am given to spend my time in ways that produce joy, peace, love and fulfillment. I will recognize the ability to mark even just a few things off my list. And I will also celebrate the moments I spend resting, recuperating, and playing with the many freeroaming cats hanging out in my new backyard. Yes, we moved on September 4th. We were in the process of just starting to pack when Jubal passed away. After packing up his life in St. Thomas, I boxed up mine as soon as I got back. We were greeted at the new house on Day One by a sweet, pregnant kitty we now call Sandi. Our own precious, 18 year old Fancy cat passed away the day after I returned from St. Thomas. When Sandi appeared with an abundantly loving demeanor like Fancy, we agreed she was heavensent. We fed Sandi and she spread the word to the rest of her feline family at the property we back up to. Besides food and care, these new furry friends need love. My service to them is as important as all the other “looking good” todo’s on my list—those items which are more socially acceptable ways to be productive like work, grocery shopping and laundry. Today, why not expand our lists to also include activities that feed our souls and contribute to our wellbeing and others’ furry or otherwise? A day well spent is how it feels on the inside, more so than how it looks on the outside. Let’s put more focus on how we feel at the end of the day rather than the tangible fruit created for everyone else to see. Today let’s celebrate good selftalk and take special notice of all our personal victories, big and small! A slight disclaimer: I spent more time than I would have liked editing and reworking this post. However, I choose to celebrate progress not perfection and for today, blogging at all is a huge victory. We didn’t become perfectionists overnight and we won’t undo that tendency overnight either. Are We Kindred Spirits? If anything I write helps you, challenges you, inspires you, or if you have encouragement to share on the topic, I want to know! Please leave a comment on my social media page or on the blog post itself and let’s talk about it! We’re in this together. Cheers to your gifts and the many gifts you bring to others!
Tis the season for nests and baby birds everywhere! We were fortunate when a finch family nested in the floral arrangement hanging on our front storm door. We had first row seats to all the action, and the lessons were abundant. I also had an encounter with a baby mockingbird who took a premature fall, but allowed me to help him find his wings. He taught me a valuable truth along with the finch family. Be Expectant
Read More »
Hello FTG Friends, As my good friend Todd Cecil would say, I hope you all are smiling wherever you are in the world today! Ups and Downs Are Guaranteed and Necessary This week has had some wonderful developments and yet, has also been exceptionally challenging on a personal level. Have you ever felt like dancing on the table to celebrate with ecstatic joy, yet simultaneously felt the impulse to open the floodgates of grief and pain and give the floor or bed a good soaking? Well, this week I’ve done both. I’m not at liberty to discuss either situation but the point is I honored my internal experience, both my joy and my pain. I recognize that life is life and we are going to have ups and downs, and on some days we will have both! Time promises change and my goal is to remain as present as possible in every circumstance. Nothing lasts forever, the pain or the joy, and I’ve learned to give thanks for the contrast which makes it possible to really appreciate all of life’s gifts. Huffington Post What else?! I’ve also enjoyed a wonderful visit from my college roommate recently and managed to do some guest blogging as well. Thanks to an amazing connection, I am excited to be the newest contributor to Huffington Post! Please visit my home page on their website any time to see what I’m sharing with the world. You can also subscribe to the feed to be notified of new content immediately. Already I’ve had two articles published which I invite you to please read and leave your comments for me so they keep me on board a while. To go straight to my Huffington Post articles, just click the title: When I Prioritize Me, I Will Be Freehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/angelahowell/wheniprioritizemeiwib9625938.html Why We Say Yes ‘Till It Hurts And How To Start Saying Nohttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/angelahowell/whywesayyestillithub9578542.html A few other recently published articles: How to Stop Feeling Like a Victimhttp://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/04/03/stopfeelinglikevictim/ Three Ways to Meditate at the Officehttp://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/03/21/threewaystomeditateattheoffice/ Maybe I’ll see you at one of my upcoming speaking events: April 27 Hendersonville Rotary April 28 Nashville Breakfast Club May 17 Gallatin Morning Rotary June 2 Hendersonville Key to the City Luncheon July 19 Private book club July 22 Women in Business for the DonelsonHermitage Chamber of Commerce I have several other speaking engagements in the works. If your group isn’t listed, let’s change that! You can find more information here. New content is being added all the time at Finding the Gift! Your voice is always wanted and welcomed in the comments. We are a community! Let us hear from you! If you didn’t already, check out the awesome new video book trailer for Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness! As always, I am incredibly grateful for each one of you. Thank you for connecting and may your gifts be many! Hint: they already are! Cheers, Angela PS. Woop Woop!!! Go Trent Harmon! I am a happy American Idol fan but La’Porsha deserved it too.
Half empty? Half full? Or maybe someone forgot to pour you a glass? My past involved a lot of chaos and trauma and more than once, I’ve been a victim of unfortunate circumstance. However, I’ve come to realize that my suffering isn’t that much different than anyone else’s. We all have obstacles to overcome and we all know people who have been hurt more than us. At times I wanted to believe my pain was greater, but I’ve been challenged to embrace the notion that suffering is ordinary. Still, I frequently find myself facing a choice between victim thinking versus empowered thinking. How I choose to see my life carries far greater weight than reality itself. “We could spend weeks, months, even years … trying to change our attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differently.” —Stephen R. Covey, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” Perspective vs Reality It might be easier if perspective and reality were the same thing but they’re not. One situation can be viewed multiple ways by multiple people, as well as by the same person. Perception dominates reality every time. I think when the consequences of feeling like a victim are negative enough, we’re forced to adopt a different mindset. What does victim thinking produce in my life? Hurt feelings perceived negative emotions Perceptions of abandonment Perceptions of rejection Perceptions of loneliness Do you see the trend? They’re all perceptions. I choose to feel hurt. I allow myself to feel abandoned and neglected. Someone may reject me, but I decide to feel rejected and maybe even unloved and unlovable. I might take on a feeling of shame. If I indulge the bad emotions long enough, I may even progress to feeling hopeless. In victim thinking, I believe the world will never be a safe place to let down my guard. Rarely do I feel happy, because there’s no room for happiness under the umbrella of victim thinking. It’s time for a huge disclaimer. I am not saying don’t feel your feelings. We must feel our feelings or we will have to work very hard to keep them buried and repressed with substance and process addictions, or other means of escape. Feelings are real, but not necessarily indicative of reality. We need to honor our feelings and acknowledge the wounded parts of ourselves. The tricky part is not allowing our feelings to overshadow our reality and dominate all our thoughts. Bad things happen. Horrendous things happen. I understand and have walked through my share of them. Still, I decide what story to replay in my head about the negative things in life. I can choose to stay stuck in a bad story, or I can choose to accept and forgive. I can even explore how to be grateful for what I’ve learned in tough situations and foster appreciation for the person each of those encounters has allowed me to become. With acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude, I can decide to move on so the person, place or situation doesn’t hold me captive any longer. When I decide to see myself as an overcomer, I am choosing to stand on several powerful truths: I am enough. I choose how to experience my life and the circumstances that happened. I choose how to embrace each day. I choose not to indulge my own arrogance, thinking everything that happens is being done to me personally. Ouch that last one hurts, but it’s true. Arrogance doesn’t just mean I think I’m better than other people. It simply suggests inflated selfimportance, such as making up in my head that “this” happened and “they” did it to me on purpose. I might embellish the story even further and say it happened because I wasn’t good enough or because I said the wrong thing. To me, these thoughts are the essence of victim thinking. It’s warping everything that happens around me to make it about me. Again and again and again. Victim thinking is an addiction to feeling bad about my life and about myself. The opposite is choosing to walk through my life moment by moment, knowing everyone is doing the best they can—including me. If I choose to stay in victim thinking today, so be it. Maybe that’s the best I can do today. Perhaps I need another day of experiencing what it’s like to live as a victim. It takes what it takes and when I’ve had enough, I’ll gain the willingness to make other choices. Empowering beliefs when we’re ready to move on … For today, I choose to believe I’m not as important in everyone else’s world as I sometimes think I am. I choose to believe that most of the things that happen today are not going to be personal. I choose to not give away my peace for pennies, but instead to guard my selfworth, selfesteem, and daily serenity. I will adopt beliefs that nurture my wellbeing, instead of painful or selflimiting thoughts. Today I choose to see myself as a competent adult—an equal in the world of adults. I surrender the feeling of being a child who continues to experience terrible things. I must be willing to grow up and step into my adult shoes, while nurturing those wounded, childlike parts of me. I have to acknowledge my pain but I don’t have to relive it every day. Too often we set ourselves up for circumstances in our present lives that resemble how we were hurt in the past. Life has a funny way of showing us reruns. The names and places may be different but the obstacles seem to have the same theme. The same troublesome boss, coworker or neighbor seems to be everywhere we go. Life is handing us a gift! It’s giving us the opportunity to make different choices or to view what’s happening from a different perspective. When we finally get the lesson, that particular rerun stops playing and we progress to the next opportunity for growth. I must become willing to be happy and content. If I want to stop victim thinking, I must gain willingness to end my addiction to feeling bad. Instead, I become willing to love myself and validate my wounds, yet with my adult voice, speak the truth into my life and into my mind. Powerful truths Our subconscious minds believe whatever we tell them. If you doubt that’s true, try an experiment. Say a few of these declarations out loud. I like to call them powerful truths: I am in charge of my life today. I get to decide how I feel today. I feel great today and I am excited about my ability to make good choices. Today I am powerful enough to show up in the world as a strong, brilliant beautiful soul— no better than and no worse than anyone else here. Today I realize that I will do my best and so will everyone else around me. Today I will not feel sorry for myself but I will give thanks in everything, for the blessings and the lessons. Both are working for my good. How did that feel? My subconscious likes powerful truths a whole lot better than the other chatter that too often runs on autopilot in my mind—chatter that only beats me down and makes me think I’m constantly swimming upstream. Conclusion Not living like a victim is a choice, one we get to make one day or one moment at a time. Hopefully more days than not, we will surrender our need to feel bad. This only perpetuates how we felt about ourselves and our lives as a result of circumstances in the past. Those situations are long gone. We are the only ones keeping ourselves down, continuing to suffer. When we can embrace that suffering is ordinary, and that no matter what we’ve been through, there are people who have been through that and worse, then we can be free. If we have built our identities around trauma and pain, that’s all we know. Of course it only makes sense we want to hang onto them—until life becomes too miserable. Ask yourself, “Am I ready to move on? Am I ready to embrace a life of wholeness and wellness?” The choice is mine. The choice is yours. For today, let’s choose to be free and let some joy in. Let’s focus on how we can be a blessing to others. When I’m so focused on what people are doing to me, how can I focus on being kind and loving to others? Once again, arrogance is playing the same old tune: it’s all about me. I think we need a new song! Please join me in letting go of victim thinking today. Let’s do a random act of kindness for someone else and enjoy how nice that feels. Let’s feed our subconscious minds several powerful truths, allowing hope and joy to seep into the hurt places. Let’s take one behavior that seems to perpetuate feeling bad and today, try something new. Let’s choose to see ourselves as survivors instead of victims. Survivors are very strong, empowered people. Let’s embrace our true identities today—they’ve been buried long enough. P.S. If you have a Finding the Gift story, I want to hear it and so does the rest of our FTG community! Please send me a message through my “contact Angela“ tab. Not an FTG member? Look for the orange box to the right and sign up! I’ll send you a free eBook immediately, Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift! Depending on your device, you may need to scroll down to the bottom of the page. P.P.S. Do you have your own copy yet? Find out why Finding the Gift has been featured in the Sunday Tennessean five weeks in a row, as part of the top ten bestselling books. Shop awesome booksellers like BookManBookWoman and Parnassus, or you can find it herehttps://www.angelahowell.com/books.
Recently I was interviewed by an editor at Cosmo regarding my past battles with an eating disorder. Following significant trauma and the divorce of my parents at age eight, I decided I wanted to be thin more than anything else in the world. Sadly, I already was. A preoccupation with my body and my weight steadily increased every year and I began to feel guilty about my food intake. With an athletic build, I felt huge as a fifth grader. I remember weighing a “whopping” eighty pounds while other girls my age seemed to be so much thinner. At thirteen, while pursuing a career in modeling, I began to regularly starve, over exercise, binge and purge.
Read More »
What follows is an excerpt from my article recently published on Everyday Power Blog. Full article here.http://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/03/03/fiveamazingtedtalksthatwilltransformyourthinkingpartone/ TED Talks are Miracle Grow for the body, mind and soul! They are cutting edge philosophy, psychology, science and insight, among many other wonderful “ideas worth sharing.” The very first TED Talks were posted online in July, 2006 and continue to serve as a phenomenal resource for seekers like us who are striving to make ourselves and this world a better place. I never run out of curiosity, or the need to grow into someone I like more than the day before. As a teenager, I had two choices. I could cave and let hard situations and obstacles drive the essence of me deep into the ground, where not even a flicker of light existed. The alternative was to start asking questions, to seek understanding and greater insight, and to let myself learn from events that might otherwise keep me in dark places. I searched for answers in books on spirituality, religion, relationships, psychology and all other things selfhelp. I attended seminars, twelvestep groups, webinars, and creative circles to untangle the beliefs I learned early—beliefs and philosophies that no longer served me. Eventually I discovered TED Talks, which continue to disclose the answers I seek. Whether you’re new to TED or an avid fan, the following TED Talks are a mustwatch and worth repeating. I had a difficult time narrowing down my favorites, so these five are the first batch, with more to follow. Click here to read the rest of the article and get the links to my first five favorite TED talks.http://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/03/03/fiveamazingtedtalksthatwilltransformyourthinkingpartone/ Please leave your comments on the article page for me and tell me which of these five you loved most! Cheers to all of us Finding the Gift™!
Read More »
I have been asked to develop this topic for Everyday Power Blog, a trusted source for inspiration and motivation. In doing so, I uncovered FIVE 5 KEY PAYOFFS for avoidance and the fears attached. Good news—there’s a way to tip the scale! Read all the way through to see which of these may be hidden reasons you’re holding yourself back, and then give the exercises at the end a try. Cheers to you Finding the Gift in Procrastination and Avoidance! “Why do I feel an urge to do something else whenever I start doing something important? What steps can I take to move forward?” We are asking the wrong question, and I’m as guilty as anyone. It’s not, “Why do I put off the things I really want or need to do?” The real question we have to ask ourselves is, “What’s the payoff I enjoy by avoiding doing what I say is important?” Our answers may vary but see if any or all! of these apply: I get to stay comfortable. I get to stay anxious. I get to protect my dream. I get to avoid making a decision. I get to stay small. Click here to read more about each avoidance payoff and how to work your way through procrastination.http://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/02/19/whyweprocrastinateandthepayoffsofavoidance/Please leave your comments on the article page for me!
Read More »
Check out this great article by Bethany Ramos. She asked me to collaborate with her on taking a deeper look at career burnout for SheKnows.com. Most people would say to avoid career burnout you need to develop outside hobbies, take regular vacations and unplug regularly. Those are all great strategies and very needed, but it’s good to be aware of the deeper reasons some of us are more prone to career burnout than others. Thankfully, there are many great ways to proactively get back to loving your job and your life. Be sure to read the full article and all eight tips to see if you’re in danger for an impending burnout. Here’s a teaser to get you started! Article excerpt: 5. Pat yourself on the back Beyond these bestpractice tips that you can use to keep your career organized and interesting, Angela Howell, speaker and author of Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness, believes that a simple change in perspective may be one of the most effective ways to thwart job dissatisfaction. Howell explains that many people struggle with being a workaholic because they are looking for external recognition, while true job satisfaction can only be found in learning to give yourself the internal validation you seek. “I have struggled with being a workaholic for much of my life. I was a very successful, 12year corporate sales rep, and I definitely experienced burnout because my entire life revolved around my career. I was so driven for external recognition that I let everything else slide, like my relationships, hobbies and health,” says Howell. She continues, “When I focus on my own sense of accomplishment and can learn to give myself the praise I need, I am less critically dependent on getting my sense of worth at work. I can allow myself to have a life and live from a more balanced place, nurturing all the parts of me that exist beyond my career. I work to live instead of live to work.” Enjoy! Angela
Read More »
Goldie’s leash is real, but Henry’s is imaginary.
Read More »
Happy New Year! Whew, it’s been a while since I posted. Author talks and book events have kept me jumping, but I am so very grateful for the impact “Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness” is making in people’s lives and their perspectives. We’re all in this together! January is the biggest month for most of us to think about our lives and make new resolutions. But for many, these are quickly abandoned by February. Too often people resolve to accomplish goals that are too big and daunting, and/or deep down, they don’t believe they deserve to have or be “x.” Surprisingly enough, we make progress much quicker by taking baby steps consistently. The turtle beats the rabbit on this track! If you are having trouble with any of your New Year’s resolutions, I have a few suggestions that have helped me in the past. If all I have identified is the ultimate outcome, I can stare at that goal until I am blue in the face, paralyzed to take any real action. However, if I create some smaller resolutions that will cause me to take a step toward the final destination, I can make forward progress. Excerpt from “Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness” for January 1: Sometimes I find it easier to look at a big goal and then work backwards, breaking it down into smaller pieces. I’ll ask myself, Well, if that goal was true one year from now, what else will be true? For instance, if I had aspirations to become more fluent in a foreign language one year from now, I could start by finding other people to regularly converse with. Boom. I just created a tangible action step I can do today, which will help me get where I want to be a year from now. This sounds so obvious, but too often we get overwhelmed and intimidated by the idea of attaining huge goals. We can’t think of how to get started and we stay frozen. If my goal for 2016 as an author/speaker is simply to reach more people with my book and my message, I could easily remain intimidated by how to actually go about doing that and do nothing, but hope and pray it just happens. Or, I can pretend it’s December, 2016 and that I’m looking back over the year feeling grateful that I did successfully expand my impact. I can ask myself what must have happened for my goal to be realized? I probably had to identify some groups who could relate to what I have to say. Then I probably had to do some research and make some phone calls or send some emails. So now, rather than focus on my big goal, I can start thinking about specific groups or organizations who would be thrilled to have me as a guest speaker. Once identified, I can make another goal to do some research and find out who secures speakers for the event. I can make contact through phone or email. I know this is a very specific example but I’m hoping you can translate this to your own goals and see that a big resolution needs to be broken down into several, smaller goals. Tasks that can be done in a day. Activities that when put together, lead up to helping you reach your bigger destination. If this sounds elemental but you are facing a resolution that is quickly fading, I hope you will give it a try. Just ask the question, “If this were true, what else would have to be true?” You have all the answers you need inside you. Sometimes we just aren’t asking ourselves the right questions! If negative beliefs are holding you back, that’s going to require a different strategy. Write down the three most powerful selfsabotage beliefs that run through your mind. Reasons that deepdown are keeping you from attaining your resolutions. Let’s say you want to increase your income in 2016. That’s a great goal, but until it’s defined in detail, it could easily remain a resolution that’s just too big. But let’s deal with the negative selfbeliefs because if those are dominating your daily thoughts, the bestlaid actions plans are meaningless. Perhaps your first negative thought is this: “I don’t deserve to make more money,” or “No one in my family has ever made much money.” If that is an underlying belief, your subconscious will make sure your life backs that up. How would it feel to believe, “I deserve to make an abundant living to be able to provide for myself and my family and have fun doing it?” Can you feel the shift? This isn’t hard work, but it does take intentional effort. Change your software programs in your mind and you will change your life! Excerpt from “Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness” for January 6: Take a moment. Stare out a window. Let yourself dream of a life that is to come. If you could do or be anything—no limits based on finances, present circumstances or past experiences—what would you do? Where would you go? What would you invent? What new hobby or interest might you explore? Who would be in your life? Who would you let go of? Who would you help? How much money would you see in your account? Where would you live? What would your body look like, and how strong and flexible would you be? What charity would you support or create? What would your doctor say at your annual checkup? This is YOUR dream. STOP the limiting chatter! My book is full of daily meditations to challenge old beliefs, broaden perspectives and offer practical tips that will help us all achieve the lives we really desire from the inside out. I can’t say it enough: this is MY handbook for living. I do not have all these lessons mastered! Far from it. I wrote this book to provide reminders for the many issues I still need to work on myself. I just decided to share it with you so we can do it together! We all need traveling companions on this journey of life. Thank you for being one of mine! If you’re in the Nashville area, I will be at the Green Hills Library on Thursday, February 4 at 6pm for an author talk and book signing event. Books will be available to purchase and a portion of the proceeds will go to the “Friends of the Library.” I hope to see you there!
Holidays are supposed to be a joyfilled, happy time with friends and family. Day after day of sparkling euphoria, right?! Don’t we all long for the Norman Rockwell experience? What if after the timeless moments are captured, we showed each other what really goes on—the good, the bad and the ugly, and also the ordinary? I found an interesting book review in the New York Times written in 2013 for a biography written about Norman Rockwell. Reading that and exploring a few other search results for ‘Norman Rockwell,’ I quickly learned that he also did not live the “Norman Rockwell” experience. I’ve spent many days thinking if I had just come from a “normal” family, my life would have been so much better. I grew up believing that what I saw in Norman Rockwell illustrations really existed in most other homes but mine. As an adult now, I know the truth. No one has it good all the time, and no one has it bad all the time. And sometimes, the ordinary moments are the best ones of all. Times like this morning, when my husband and I cuddled on the couch enjoying the glowing Christmas tree at dawn, as he drank his coffee before getting ready for work. Or letting my son show me how swift he can handle his car on back roads, making a night run to the grocery store for milk and bananas, with music blaring from the speakers. And enjoying a peaceful, quiet morning with my furry children, looking out into the majesty of nature surrounding me. Those are the moments I live for now. And most of the time, I’ve stopped the comparison game. Comparing my life to others is a fast road to discontentment and “missing the gifts.” In the recovery world, we often hear, “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.” We only see what “they” let us see anyway. In a thriving socialmediafilled world, it often looks like most everyone is living the good life. Rarely can we see the aches in their hearts or the depths of loneliness common to us all. Common to us all—yes, even I have my bad days too, where I’m struggling with “Finding the Gift.” I know those days will pass and I personally choose not to use my social media platforms to air my fleeting moments of lost perspective, but I do share those hard days with those closest to me. Living a life of “Finding the Gift” to me means truly believing everything, everything is working for my good. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. My best use of energy is always spent redirecting my thoughts to what is going well and celebrating true treasure, the unexpected, ordinary moments of real bliss. Happy Holidays and may your ordinary moments bring you great joy! If you are in Nashville today, please come join me at BookManBookWoman in Hillsboro Village for a Finding the Gifthttps://www.angelahowell.com/books book discussion and signing event from 122 p.m. . P.S. If you have a Finding the Gift story, I want to hear it and so does the rest of our FTG community! Please send me a message through my “contact Angela” tab. Not an FTG member? Look for the orange box to the right and sign up! I’ll send you a free eBook immediately, Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift! P.P.S. If you are looking for a special gift for someone, check out the reviews on Amazon from those who have been touched by reading Finding the Gift.https://www.angelahowell.com/books
No, I have not finished my holiday shopping! Grrr … I mean, Happy Tuesday! Every year it seems I get more and more Grinchlike when December rolls around. Maybe that’s not fair. I’m not really a Scrooge and I have nothing against gifts. I just want to enjoy more of the simple, beautiful parts of the holidays and less of the should’s and have to’s. I’m convinced that the real wonder of the season is felt sitting quietly in front of a sparkling tree or a crackling fireplace, basking in the glow of gratefulness for life exactly the way it is, in that very moment. Every year, the idea of going out to spend money we may not necessarily have to buy things that people don’t necessarily need or want—just to say we did or just to have presents under the tree—feels so forced and well, just not fun. I try to keep my opinion to myself because I feel I am in the minority. Clearly, many people absolutely love making their lists and checking them twice! If motives are pure, more power to them! In my dream world we offer meaningful gifts to those we truly want to show love and appreciation for, and we don’t put our finances in jeopardy in the process. Handmade cards and gifts count double! We stand firm against pressure to do things we really don’t want to do, or go places we really don’t want to go. Our wellbeing is more important than our peoplepleasing. We set aside time and resources to help those less fortunate than us, allowing us the full, unparalleled experience of joy that comes from giving and touching a life. In my dream holiday, you are your best you, and I am my best me. The truth is, every year I am more focused on finding the real gifts: love, peace, service and gratitude. And heartfelt connections with others who value the same. Will you join me in celebrating the silent wonders this holiday season? Please leave a comment and tell me what your dream holiday looks like! P.S. If you have a Finding the Gift story, I want to hear it and so does the rest of our FTG community! Please send me a message. Not an FTG member? Look for the orange box to the right and sign up! I’ll send you a free eBook immediately, Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift! P.P.S. If you are looking for a special gift for someone, check out the reviews on Amazon from those who have been touched by reading Finding the Gift.https://www.angelahowell.com/books P.P.P.S. Is that too many P’s? Well anyway, if you want to see one of my recent, early morning, Finding the Gift moments, check out this video. I was so taken by how perfect the scene looked and felt, I let my cinnamon rolls get cold while taking videos and pictures! That’s the thing about Finding the Gift: sometimes we may lose something, only to gain an even bigger reward! Enjoy!
“Authentic, captivating, thoughtprovoking! Angela Howell’s insights remind the reader that in every life experience there is a gift waiting to be found … if we only dare to look deeper.” —Rachel Martinez, Certified Addiction Counselor Hello FTG Friends! Happy almost Thanksgiving! I hope each of you have a special time planned to celebrate with good food among great family and friends. I have a question for you to consider as we enter into this season of thanksgiving. If you were to receive a “Finding the Gift” report card, would you get an A? How well are you able to look at a situation and find the gift, instead of the problem? I read a story once about Benjamin Franklin. Apparently he had a habit of finding fault and when he was strongly confronted by someone he respected, he vowed to never complain again. Oh, if only it were that easy! With practice, however, it does become easier to ask, “What’s the gift in this?” versus, “Why did this happen?” Gratitude is a habit of the mind and with regular use, it can become an automatic response to life. When I experience disappointment, for example, I choose to believe I will find a gift as long as I’m willing to look for it. Maybe what appears to be a setback is actually some form of protection? Something to keep me from going down a particular path, which ultimately won’t be in my best interest? Maybe I’ll never know why certain events transpired, but I always have a choice in how I perceive what life brings my way. I can choose to believe things are working for my good, or I can get caught up in frustration. Faith feels better to me so I don’t let myself wallow too long in how I wish things were. Instead, I begin finding the gift in how things are. Jumping ahead in my book, Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness, I will leave you with an upcoming entry on gratitude. I sincerely wish you the best Thanksgiving ever, abundant with gifts given, received and observed. November 26: A Daily Gratitude Practice “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~ Oprah Winfrey ~ November is the perfect time of year to focus on being thankful: good health, relationships, friends and family, our jobs, our homes, and our freedom. Many of us can count some or all of these as blessings in our lives. What else? What else are you truly grateful for? Look around. Listen. Feel. Take stock of everything you have appreciation for. Holding gratitude in your heart attracts even more good to come your way. Count your blessings often. For extra benefit, make a daily gratitude journal, listing at least five new things every morning or night. In addition to what’s noted above, I am deeply grateful for nature, music, role models, reverse role models who teach me what NOT to do, nature seasons, thick fuzzy blankets and socks, fast cars, adventure, adversity without adversity, personal growth is much slower, my furry loved ones, sidewalks, hot baths, dark chocolate, apple cider, boots, things that sparkle, laughter and piano music filling my home, and much, much more! For a real challenge, make a list of all the people, places and things you are grateful for. Do this alone or with a group. When you run out of things to write, go through the letters of the alphabet to jog your memory some more. Keep this list and your daily gratitude journal handy for rereading frequently. Turkey hunters practice making turkey calls to attract birds to come their way. Practice using gratitude to attract more goodness to come your way. Cheers! P.S. If you have a Finding the Gift story, I want to hear it and so does the rest of our FTG community! Please send me a message. Not an FTG member? Look for the orange box to the right and sign up! I’ll send you a free eBook immediately, Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift!
Sneak Peak from my soon to be released book, Finding the Gift: Daily Meditations for Mindfulness October 6 Courage to Be Fully Alive Today is a special day for a very special man in my life. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We are going to make a big deal out of it! Did you ever hear someone tell you, “Stop making such a big deal about that!” Or, “Settle down now, and stop acting like a child.” As a society, we’ve even said that to our children, when acting like a child is the most ageappropriate thing to do. I’m not discounting the need for discipline, this is just an observation of our language. All too often our spirits are conformed to fit into society, into school, into church, even into our own families. Our behavior is regulated so much that we may think it’s not okay to jump for joy and act crazy. To cry when we feel sad. Or to laugh out loud when something’s funny. We are encouraged to wear our quiet little masks and politely die a slow, numbing death. We are hardly living, as opposed to celebrating the full spectrum of the human existence. It’s called a spectrum, which indicates that life is meant to be lived in a range of experiences, not as a safe, uniform spot somewhere in the midst of conformity and oppression. We need all of it to feel alive! Highs and lows. Loud and quiet. Fast and Slow. Celebration and grief. A pastor once gave a sermon on how we’ve all but stripped the masculinity out of our sons and made them … nice. So we have compliant men who are afraid to take risks, make decisions and boldly be who they were created to be. And then we criticize them for it, and wonder what happened to the real men in the world? My husband is a huge fan of Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, who says, “Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” Referring to himself, Eldredge says, “I wasn’t mean; I wasn’t evil. I was nice. And let me tell you, a hesitant man is the last thing in the world a woman needs. She needs a lover and a warrior, not a Really Nice Guy.” Just for today, stop being so nice and politically correct, and demanding the same from everyone else. Let’s be unashamedly ALIVE, whatever that looks like today. For us, that means a big celebration. We are going to sing really loud and probably do a few Happy Dances. We are all alive, aren’t we? That alone is reason to celebrate. Let’s make today something worth remembering.
Read More »Our bodies are such amazing, complex systems, constantly regenerating and renewing themselves. A while back, I had surgery on my knee and in the acute healing process, this knee was very warm to the touch when compared to my healthy knee. I could literally feel how hard my body was working to heal itself. This brought to mind several sayings regarding transformation through heat and fire. “The heat is on!” “He really brought the heat today!” “She’s in hot water now!” “Nothing like a trial by fire.” When the “heat” shows up in our lives, whatever that looks like for each of us, it can be mildly or extremely uncomfortable. When we feel the temperature rising in our circumstances or relationships, we can trust that a transformation is taking place, or an opportunity for growth is at hand. Resistance is the opposite of acceptance and only serves to make the struggle last longer, or keep me from benefiting fully from an opportunity for change. I’m always better off asking, “What’s my lesson here?” rather than “Why is this happening to me?” Imagine metal trying to maintain its current shape when surrounded by fire? It would be pretty impossible for it to not be changed. If it’s happening to you right now, get the lesson! Too often, the fires life throws at us seem scary and something we want to avoid, but if we’re seeking and listening to the guidance inside, it’s safe to trust we’ll be cared for until we come out the other side. I choose to believe every circumstance is for our greater good, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You’re going to be great, too!
Read More »
Into Me, See The branches of a tree limb grow out in all different directions. They touch, they overlap, they split off into smaller branches. No two limbs are alike, and no two limbs have identical branches, but they are all part of the same tree. That tree is me; it’s each of us. There are many facets to my life and I always laugh when someone asks me what I do, because I wear a lot of hats! I used to be in corporate sales, so I understand what it means to be an employee, a salesperson, a boss, the client interface, and a coworker. Today, I’m a creative— photographer, writer, painter—while still being wife, Mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, business owner, coach, sponsor, sponsee, volunteer and member of a church family. I’m also a trauma survivor, which means I grew up learning to live fragmented, instead of integrated, and I have a tendency to divide myself and my life into parts. Because I had this terrified, insecure side of me and was secretly coping with my life using destructive behaviors like anorexia and bulimia, I learned to put on masks in order to do everything else. I became immersed in external appearance, perfectionism, achievement and control the lookinggood side to make sure I was accepted and liked. Sometimes I can still find myself putting on various roles like a costume, tweaking myself to suit each part, shifting in and out of different identities, and losing the real me in the shuffle. Thankfully, my awareness has grown in this area and I’m better able to recognize when I’ve slipped a mask on and need to come back to what’s authentic and true. I’m learning to trust that person is wonderful and most importantly, she is enough. Today, I desire to be more fluid, more transparent, one self in all my daily endeavors and relationships, where the hat doesn’t change who I am, just decorates the real me! I encourage you to celebrate and embrace yourself too, all the wonderful, unique parts of you, knowing you also have one true identity, with many different branches and colorful hats. Wear them well, but always be you!
Read More »Setting goals is great. Getting goals is much better! We can spend a lot of time writing out detailed goals and elaborate action plans, but unless we change something we do every day, we can’t hope to see any real movement towards reaching our hopes and dreams. Without action, our best goals will remain wishes. We can plan our lives, but we don’t just decide what our future will look like. We decide what habits and disciplines we will do daily, and those daily practices are what ultimately decide our future. As we evaluate where we would like to be in six months, one year, three years, ten years, let us also evaluate what needs to happen daily to bring about the progress we seek. It’s the small change that leads to the big change. Allow 21 days of repetition for a new habit to form. One day won’t make a difference, but consistency over time will change our lives and we will achieve a lot more of the goals that we set! When it comes to reaching goals, the slow, consistent turtle usually beats the rabbit. Try taking a few small steps today, even if it’s just ten minutes’ worth of action or one phone call, and let me know how it feels to move closer towards changing your wishes and goals into reality.
Read More »
© Angela Howell We hear about overnight success and our brains know the truth–nothing happens overnight. Too often something in me still falls into delusional thinking and expectation, not wanting to do the repetition of small steps consistently. I found myself wishing for an outcome today, but then feeling frustrated at the realization that I couldn’t just do it. The only way to achieve this outcome is through small, daily repetition. But I want it now! Wow, how many times have I wanted to write a book in one day or take a foreign language lesson, desiring mastery right at the onset? Too often! What’s the saying?? Good things take time! Living in a microwave, fastfood society, my inherent desire to pull up to the drivethru window and have it my way is so much more appealing to me. But I have a choice. I can dismiss the urges, desires, dreams, and goals that are going to take longer than one day, or I can do one small thing today and the next, and the next to get me closer to my goal. If I make it more about the journey rather than the ultimate outcome, I may be more inclined to take that small step. If I look for the joy in actually doing it, or if I think about what I can get out of it today– the reward solely in today’s action– I may be more likely to just do it today. When I slow down long enough to enjoy myself in that activity, I may find the willingness to do it again tomorrow. What is a step you can take toward your goal today and even more importantly, what’s the gift you can find in doing that today? When I adhere to daily disciplines, I find the Miracle Gro for my dreams and goals! Cheers to us all Finding the Gift by taking one small step today!
Read More »Recently I attended a facilitator training for the Body Project Collaborativehttp://www.bodyprojectcollaborative.com/. Sponsored locally by The Eating Disorders Coalition of Tennessee www.edct.nethttp://www.edct.net, I had heard this was the most successful, researchbased program used to address potentially harmful body image issues and to prevent early onset eating disorders from going any further. Being a 20year survivor of anorexia and bulimia myself, I wholeheartedly support everything we can do to prevent these severe and often fatal illnesses from taking root and growing amidst a culture inundated with the thin ideal media messages. We were made a lofty promise at the start of the training that it would significantly change the way we feel about our body image and how we would treat our bodies going forward. In the process of training to be facilitators, we were also able to experience being participants and for me, these goals were realized halfway through the twoday training! But perhaps the biggest surprise for me was seeing that the Body Project Collaborative would be beneficial for every single one of us constantly being exposed to a culture which reinforces unrealistic beauty ideals and puts way too much emphasis on external appearance. I look forward to taking a small part in advancing this movement of greater body acceptance and cultivating a new message, “I am beautiful and already enough exactly the way I am today.” Another great approach to Finding The Gift! Please contact me if you are interested in discussing how to personally participate in a communitybased session of the Body Project Collaborative, or how to bring this program to your local group. Click to read an article Time Magazine published about the Body Project Collaborativehttp://content.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,170376317037641810730,00.html.
Read More »
I have struggled with low selfesteem most of my life and lived as a human doing, not a human being, trying to make up for what I felt was lacking. True or not, I grew up feeling like I could never be good enough to please my parents or warrant enough of their love and attention. I’ve spent the majority of my life exploring selfdevelopment and overcoming a very lonely, chaotic childhood. No blame! I am grateful for every single thing that happened, as well as everything that didn’t happen. As a result, I am a richlyaware, highconscious soul and am always seeking to better myself and encourage others to grow through their circumstances as well. One of my biggest challenges to this day, however, is staying too busy being a super human doing, instead of a human who is being. By doing this, I am continuing the pattern of not giving my self the attention I need and crave. My todo list is frequently on multiple Postit notes. I try to wake up early with the intention to write, pray, journal or meditatesomething centering before starting the rest of my day. Too often I make the mistake of checking email first. Then I spontaneously decide to change the HVAC air filter, because if I don’t do it right this second I might forget for another month. Then I will “really quickly” unload the dishwasher, start sorting laundry, and then, and then…and then the morning quiet time never happens. Recently in the midst of this alltootypical frenzy, I finally answered the call of my soul to have five minutes of quiet time outside, amidst the soothing sounds of nature. But my attitude was, “Okay, I’m here—let’s do this!! Let the amazing, spiritual connection begin! And could you hurry up please? I have a LOT to do!” Obviously, I wasn’t feeling much connection with that attitude, but then I had an “aha” moment. Loving myself and being able to feel connected spiritually isn’t something I snap my fingers to get. Rebuilding selfesteem doesn’t happen overnight just because the awareness has come that I need to love myself more. Like any true love affair, the love relationship with my self happens over time. It gets richer over time. If I want to develop selfintimacy, I must be committed to the process of making myself available for genuine connection with my self, consistently and repeatedly over time. Wonder how we would feel if a lover said, “Ok, let’s go! I’ll give you five minutes. Give me all you got, your very best in five minutes— because I have a lot to do!” That wouldn’t feel good and wouldn’t invite true connection. Why would I even begin to bare my soul for a five minute, hit and run encounter? I am worth much more than that! My authentic self will stay hidden until the circumstances are welcoming and it is safe for the real me to come out for meaningful connection. I can’t demand my self to love me and have a true spiritual connection, while the minute timer is running! So after writing for twenty minutes with the morning sun warming my skin, and the gentle breeze tousling my hair, I had a loving encounter with my self. The real Angela dared to come out when she sensed my full commitment to receive her and be present with her in a relaxed space. Twenty minutes wasn’t much longer than five, in the big scheme of things. Although, intention matters much more than minutes. Five minutes with a familiar lover goes a lot farther than five minutes with an occasional lover. I believe I will get to a point when I can grab five minutes of quality intimacy with my self when that’s all I have time for, because a foundation of familiarity and safety will have already been established consistently over time. I’m still building that right now. When I committed to taking the time to be still with me, all other todo’s vanished from my mind and I truly became present. Now once again, I am connected to me, grounded to my heart, and in love with my spirit. I am a human who is being again and can carry that with me into all I choose to do today.
Today I had the privilege of speaking as a volunteer for the Eating Disorders Coalition of Tennessee www.edct.nethttp://www.edct.net/ with two high school classes to promote eating disorders awareness and to share my personal story of recovery from anorexia/bulimia. I have to be honest, high school kids are a tough audience! Peer pressure is so great that before any personal expression can actually be verbalized in class, a student’s thoughts have to go through about a hundred filters of selfconsciousness. As a result, many of those thoughts or feelings are not shared out loud, especially anything selfrevealing concerning a deep subject like eating disorders, addiction and body image. Most of the time, a sincere glance from a class member is the best I can hope for, and maybe a suggested “thank you” or clap at the end from the class, prompted by an appreciative teacher. I do it anyway. I know that today, I am not harvesting. I’m not showing up to get that awesome warm and fuzzy feeling that some service opportunities provide when you get to immediately see the effects of your donated time and effort. No, today I am just planting seeds. I may never see the harvest or the fruits of my actions, and I’m okay with that. My fulfillment comes in knowing I created a solid foundation where awareness, compassion and understanding can grow. I am putting HOPE in the bank for those who may need to recall the information planted today if down the road they find themselves in the grips of an eating disorder, or someone they care about has started to slip into a gray area around food, exercise or diet. Many years ago, I was desperate for hope. Today I have plenty to share. To whom much is given, much will be required. I am grateful to serve and for today, that means planting seeds.
Read More »
©findingthegift.com We have all heard the phrase, “We are never given more than we can handle.” I have always applied that to difficult situations and tough times, but I recently heard the idea that it’s also true for our talents, our potential, and thus, our destinies. In Nelson Mandela’s famous inaugural speech, he quoted Marianne Williamson by saying, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The biggest part we will ever be called to play on the stage of life is ourselves! We must not be afraid to trust and follow the mysterious greatness inside us, no matter how unknown, unpredictable or scary it may seem. Change will happen at a speed we can handle. Me being all of ME, you being all of YOU, inherently came with the equipping we would each need to be that person in full. Being all that we are meant to become, letting all of ourselves float to the surface for the world to see is never a mistake. It’s who we were born to be and it’s our role in the symphony of life. No one else can do it for us. Let’s each play our part loud and proud so we can all be blessed by every individual’s contribution to the music we were born to create together. As we contribute to the whole, the essence of each one of us is also fully realized and fulfilled. While this doesn’t happen overnight, we can all take a step in the right direction today by being honest, and asking ourselves if we are thriving or merely hiding out in the roles we’ve taken on. I know I have hidden a lot in my life, but I’m taking small steps to correct that and I hope you will join me.
Read More »
Sometimes just moving the dial a little can create a life that feels a lot more comfortable. Winter is upon us! It may be 30° outside and raining, but just on the other side of windows and walls, I am toasty and warm inside. Isn’t central heat and air amazing?! I set the dial to create the environment of my choice. Is life really that different? We have all made the choices that created our present environment. If we get uncomfortable, we can turn the dial, or in other words tweak our choices. We can seek knowledge, personal growth and development. We can change our habits. We can change jobs, geography and relationships. Perhaps the most powerful change of all also lies within our reach we can change how we perceive our situation. Even when nothing else is different, we can have a whole new reality based on how we choose to approach and interact with the circumstances and people in our lives, AND where we decide to focus our energy, love and thought. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” If your environment needs to change, pray for the willingness and courage to make some new choices and take action. If your perception needs to change, make a gratitude list of what is working well right now and pray for an open mind, acceptance, and a new way to look at the situation. Be encouraged! A one or two degree shift can make a world of difference!
Read More »
Patience is a virtue and never more needed when chasing a feather! Yesterday while cleaning, I noticed a random, red feather had somehow landed on my finger. Without thinking, I threw it up in the air to shake it off me. When I realized I would have to pick it up again to throw it away, I lunged for it and missed. Every time I grabbed for it, the feather escaped me by the sheer force of the air and energy I directed toward it, in my effort to get hold of it. The more rushed my attempt was, the more air the feather floated away on. I realized if I wanted to catch it, I would have to gently follow the feather’s natural direction and be ready to receive it with open hands, when ‘it’ wanted to land. I thought of how hard I chase things at times, trying to force something in my life. I was reminded to follow the guidance I receive when I am patient and trusting. As long as I’m willing to move in sync with my guidance, I will be led to the prize. In fact, it may even land in my hand when I have done my footwork and let go of trying to make it happen. I won’t have to force anything! What a relief?! And a great reminder to trust in the process, do my part, and patiently surrender the outcome.
Read More »
The profound metaphor of a toothache: Monday No toothache Tuesday Suddenly a tooth begins to ache. It’s slightly bothersome, but we carry on. Wednesday The toothache is unbearable. It’s all we can think about. We feel we would be “so happy” if our toothache was gone. The following Monday We’ve been to the dentist and our toothache is gone. We are “so happy!” The following Wednesday Our toothache is long gone and so is the memory of the pain, and the gratitude about the pain relief. We are back to our pretoothache state, as if it never happened. We have all walked through pain and suffering. Remember when we longed for the situation to get better? Even if you have a “toothache” in your life today, the other ones are gone! Celebrate and give thanks today for all the troubles and aches you no longer have to deal with. Can you think of five reasons to celebrate and be grateful for today? Abraham Lincoln said, “We are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.” I will choose to be “so happy” about something, today!
Read More »
©Angela Howell Is compulsive behavior robbing you of joy? Do you say, “That’s it! I’m NOT going to do this anymore!” Or, “Starting tomorrow, I am going to do THIS every day!” But then the next time you’re faced with the choice, you act against your intentions? I believe we all have specific areas in our lives where we struggle to do those things—or NOT do those things— which keep us true to ourselves. Some of the things we try to do or not do may include: diet, exercise, smoking, biting fingernails, drug or alcohol use, participating in unhealthy relationships, getting enough rest, standing up to unrealistic demands by our boss or our family, letting worry consume our thoughts, spending or managing money responsibly, cruising social media sites when we really need to be doing something else, and many other daily “habits.” We repeat selfdestructive behavior again and again. Sometimes we switch vices or compulsive behavior/nonbehaviors, but the end result is the same. All these unintentional behaviors performed or not performed repeatedly over time can leave us feeling so shameful that we no longer feel we made a mistake, but that we are a mistake. We become filled with selfhatred and selfdoubt, lacking self trust and short on hope that we can ever act in a way that reflects our true desires. How could we possibly allow the greatness we have inside us to be fully expressed with that dark cloud constantly hovering over a corner of our life? When I prioritize me, I will be free! Too often, we are told to put others first. Care and compassion for others are great attributes to possess until they get out of proportion and lead to selfabandonment and selfneglect. Part of us knows we’re doing this to ourselves and we rebel! The abandonedself fights back to get our attention. Just like some children resort to acting out as the only way they know to get attention, part of us starts looking for ways to sabotage our happiness in order to get our attention. That part isn’t getting authentic expression so it needs an outlet, a release, or a vice. Compulsive behaviors only provide a temporary escape though, leaving us with the original problem of selfabandonment, compounded now with shame and selfloathing. It becomes a vicious cycle. We act out again and again and have a temporary escape from feeling bad, but we ultimately feel worse so we do it again, still seeking relief. The only way I have ever been successful at breaking these destructive cycles is by making one seemingly insignificant decision to make a different choice, while praying for help to be relieved of the compulsion and to see through the seductive lie that doing this/not doing this will “fix me.” I’m not vowing forever, just one right choice in that moment. Strangely enough, one right action can give me just enough of a selfesteem boost to make another right decision. All the while I’m reminding myself what I really want, what I really value, and what my true intentions are for my life and daytoday living. With each small, seemingly insignificant decision, self trust begins to come back. Selfrespect starts to return. All of me begins to rise up, united again in purpose and intention. The greatness inside me can be more freely expressed without the shackles of shame holding me back. When I prioritize me, I will be free! Cheers to your inner freedom today allowing full expression of all the goodness—the Godness, the greatness—inside you! Make a list of the many parts of you who need expression. Perhaps a dancer, a painter, a creator, a lover, an angry teenager, a humanitarian, a wild and reckless adventure seeker, someone who likes to build things, a curious wanderer. How can you treat them to safe expression today? Are there some parts of you who just need to be heard and acknowledged? Deep in a hidden corner of your soul, maybe you have some loneliness, sadness, disappointment, envy, anger or grief? These are all valued parts of you. If ignored, they may eventually rebel in an attempt to get your attention, or you may continue to experience an unnamed longing, or a sense of unfulfillment. When we honor and acknowledge all parts of us, we love ourselves more fully and have much more to offer the world around us and the people we care about. Acceptance is key. You cannot reject a part of you without consequence anymore than you can cut off a limb and not miss it. I used to wish away the parts of myself I didn’t like. With fantasy scissors, I would cut those parts out of my life forever. Now I have learned to recognize and acknowledge those parts of me. They are valid. They need to be heard. It doesn’t mean I act upon every whim, it just means I listen to my needs and I provide nurturing and reassurance to the fearful, rebellious, reckless, angry, naïve, etc. etc. voices inside. I offer comfort to the scared little girl. I acknowledge the angry teenager and provide a way for her safe expression. I can encourage the young adult in me, who still feels like she’s trying to find her way in a big world. Tuned in to all of me, I offer guidance, wisdom and parenting as needed. Most of all, I offer love and acceptance to all the many wonderful parts of me. When I prioritize me, I will be free! Today, I hope you will stop to listen and say hello to all the valuable parts of you, so you, too, can take good care of your “selves” and learn to be free!
Stress from relationship issues and family interactions can be heightened during the holidays. At times we may feel stuck in old patterns of relating with certain people, and we leave an interaction feeling hurt. We don’t have to stay stuck and we deserve to share our heart in a way we have the best chance of being heard. Check out this great article about bringing your choice back into your relationships.
Read More »
Skin and Bones is the first fiction book I’ve read which tackles the delicate subject of eating disorders and Sherry Shahan nails it! Personally, I am a 20+ yr ED survivor with 24 weeks total inpatient treatment and countless more outpatient. A speaker and advocate for ED awareness, I believe Shahan’s Skin and Bones MUST be placed in every middle school, high school and public library! This is so incredibly authentic, without being dry and academic. Sherry Shahan really has a gift with words and a knack for being able to leave the reader hanging at the close of every chapter. Because they are short chapters, I kept saying, “One more! One more!” and then when I was so close to the end, I stayed up till midnight to finish it. I was so engaged and hopeful for a different ending, but she brought about the heartbreaking truth. I felt a lot of emotion when I reached the last page– so angry at this deceiving disease, which I am so grateful to have survived. I also felt that familiar helpless feeling that is inevitable when you know someone struggling with an eating disorder who cannot see reality and does not yet want to get better. I highly recommend this book for family members and friends to take a deep look inside the mind of disordered eating. Shahan’s PR firm provided a copy for me to review, which I have since donated to the Eating Disorder Coalition of TN for their library. Click to read more about Sherry: http://www.sherryshahan.com/http://www.sherryshahan.com/
Read More »
Buzzard Metaphor: I just saw something I’ve never noticed before. That happens a lot when I take the time to sit in nature without an agenda! I am watching six or eight large birds. Buzzards maybe? When they fly, they rarely flap their wings. Mostly they glide! Buzzards use the wind in their favor. When they get close enough to me, I can see they shake a little as they are balancing the angle of their wings with the wind. Occasionally they flap their wings two to three times and it seems to take them up or down. Maybe they do it to steady themselves? Then they return to gliding. Buzzards have such a large wingspan that they can fly much longer just gliding, which is different than a small bird who does the opposite. When a small bird is flying, he flaps his wings most of the time and glides occasionally. That’s me, a small bird. As I grow spiritually and as I get better at life balance, I will be able to fly longer with less effort. I will be able to glide effortlessly through the winds of my life. My wings powered by my Higher Power whom I choose to call God, my support system, selfcare, daily rituals will continue to expand as long as I put intention in the daily practices that yield growth. Those buzzards sure look like they are having lots of fun! I’m ready to give up the struggles that sometimes ground me. Meanwhile one day at a time, I will let my wings continue to grow, trusting one day soon I will fly more often with ease!
Read More »
Simple pleasures. We all need them. You know how it feels when you indulge: Delight! Wonder! Content! Serene! Comforted! Secure! Relaxing! Joyful! Your meter reading says “FULL.” It feels so good to practice a little selfcare and yet I will let days go by, sometimes weeks, without indulging in a simple pleasure that fills me back up and lets me know everything is okay, and in fact, PERFECT right at this very moment. Need a hint? Light a candle. Listen to music. Catch a fish! Decorate a cake! Arrange some beautiful flowers. Take a walk. Feed a duck. Paint. Sing. Skip. Ride the grocery cart! Sit by the water. Put your toes in some sand. Climb a hill. Race your dog down the street. Make a child laugh. Laugh with them. Try a new recipe. Smile at a stranger. Take the long way home. The world is a scavenger hunt! Hidden everywhere are the little treasures that make our lives full. Get your bucket out, dust it off if necessary and collect as many experiences as you can hold. Race ya!
Read More »On a walk early this morning, I saw a fascinating box on the curb it’s trash day. Partly because of curiosity and partly because I am a salvager, I like to see what my neighbors are throwing away. The box had a picture on it which looked to be some kind of attachment that goes on an adult bike. It was more than the back half of a bike, actually it was everything but the front wheel. The bike attachment had a pretend handlebar and a long arm to connect it to the adult bike. Basically it would allow a child to feel like he was riding his bike but actually Mom or Dad would be steering and doing most or all of the work. Immediately I saw a parallel between myself and what I believe about my relationship with God. I can choose what kind of spiritual bike ride I want to experience. I have my own handlebars and pedals. I have the illusion of control. If the bike starts going a different way, I can tighten my grip on my handlebars and grit my teeth, trying to keep going my own way. OR…. I can accept the higher guidance and direction, relax and enjoy the ride. What if life really is as simple as enjoying the ride? Exploring new ground? Riding with complete trust in my driver that I’m going to see a lot of cool stuff and have a great experience along the way. When we go bike riding, we start somewhere and finish somewhere that we could easily drive to much faster. We don’t though, because it’s about the ride, not the arrival. If the driver of my “bike attachment” takes what seems to be a detour, I will relax and look for the gift. If we hit a rock and the bike turns over, I know my driver is there to pick me up, dust me off, kiss the booboos if I am not too proud, and we will get back on the bike and ride some more. I will look for areas where I am resisting and trying to control. I will let go and enjoy the ride.
Read More »